Yesterday supposed to be a very special day.. Kept myself busy with work, running around, drawings, wanted to go out last night, but ended up just playing games till wee in the morning again..
Been sleeping around 4 in the morning.. keeping myself busy, and making me tired with PC games... been kinda addicted to PC games lately, only thing to kept me from thinking... but the only matter is, after that things returns the same.. but what can I do?... I still love her regardless everything that ever happened... There's been a lot of new meaning full songs, I really like to hear... brings a lot of memories, and yet, things which i swear I'm happy for....
Nothing can ever replace the happiness I once had when i was with her...
This is said right thru from my heart...
and it can never be changed....=')
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Day 41 =')
Tonight was one of the nights, for no reason, for just being at that state... for being lost, and confused... I've lost it once again.. Felt like crying deep inside, my heart is crying as far as i know,
but tears just won't flow down my cheeks this time. But the feeling it's killing me, ain't easy to control, and it ain't easy to live with it.
I wanted all there is, I dreamt of dreams I seriously hope it'll come true, pray to every God I ever believed.. and at times, I really wanted to let go, I pushed myself just to let go, I even wonder what that's making me holding back? I can't find a single answer for that question, but to know that's my only one true happiness that happens in my life, the one i would know that I cherished what I really wanted.
but tears just won't flow down my cheeks this time. But the feeling it's killing me, ain't easy to control, and it ain't easy to live with it.
I wanted all there is, I dreamt of dreams I seriously hope it'll come true, pray to every God I ever believed.. and at times, I really wanted to let go, I pushed myself just to let go, I even wonder what that's making me holding back? I can't find a single answer for that question, but to know that's my only one true happiness that happens in my life, the one i would know that I cherished what I really wanted.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Day 22 =')
it's been 3 weeks... Recently she confessed to me bout her actions.. and the breakup... I knew it was coming, but yet somehow, i still forgive her... it may sounds a lil dumb, but yeah, I still forgive her, and I'm waiting for her with open arms, no doubt there's some problems later on.. but as days passes by, I find myself much more calmer than usual... Adapting to it, is kinda wobbly... but it's much more better than it used to be.. and in the end, I still love her..
Been going out with her these days, I can see her face is pretty much happy.. but for me, I still gotta pretend smiling all the while, tried to talk to her bout this matter.. and it only make it worst, cause she have thoughts of avoiding me already, which i don't want it at all...So, the best solution is to just keep quiet and smile.. every time when i'm with her.. i felt happy, but there's a boundary that makes my heart goes crazy bout it. Calming myself in every method I could have think off... Not negative ways, but in positivitely, outings with friends, playing basketball, playing games, blasting musics... In the end, I'll just end up being the same.. remeniscing through some old photos, looking at gifts, we had for each other, bits of memories all around the house..
Had some problems with family recently, they always sees the best in me, I should be happy bout it, but I don't. To be honest, I struggled so much just to pleased my parents, so they could be happy.. I'm happy when they are, but sometimes, they just don't understands me.. Though I really wanna talk to them about my problems, on the other hand, I don't want them to think that I'm being rebelious towards them.. I've been keeping this problem for a very long time, till sometimes what I wanted, it's being overpowered by them.. Mitch if you're reading this, message me when you're free aight?...
Some how, recently weeks seems to be longer than before... a minute feels like an hour, and an hour feels like a day... Hope my days would just gets better..
Been going out with her these days, I can see her face is pretty much happy.. but for me, I still gotta pretend smiling all the while, tried to talk to her bout this matter.. and it only make it worst, cause she have thoughts of avoiding me already, which i don't want it at all...So, the best solution is to just keep quiet and smile.. every time when i'm with her.. i felt happy, but there's a boundary that makes my heart goes crazy bout it. Calming myself in every method I could have think off... Not negative ways, but in positivitely, outings with friends, playing basketball, playing games, blasting musics... In the end, I'll just end up being the same.. remeniscing through some old photos, looking at gifts, we had for each other, bits of memories all around the house..
Had some problems with family recently, they always sees the best in me, I should be happy bout it, but I don't. To be honest, I struggled so much just to pleased my parents, so they could be happy.. I'm happy when they are, but sometimes, they just don't understands me.. Though I really wanna talk to them about my problems, on the other hand, I don't want them to think that I'm being rebelious towards them.. I've been keeping this problem for a very long time, till sometimes what I wanted, it's being overpowered by them.. Mitch if you're reading this, message me when you're free aight?...
Some how, recently weeks seems to be longer than before... a minute feels like an hour, and an hour feels like a day... Hope my days would just gets better..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
