Day 2 =')

Today, was the 1st day, of accepting what she wanted.. on what she told me, woke up a lil late for work.. but still can make it.. on my way to work, i just can't help it.. tears keeps filling up my eyes, but yet try to keep my mind busy with stuffs i gotta do at work.
I tried not to ask her what she didn't want me to ask.. we chat on msn, she sent me songs, a song that brings me to tears. until she went out, i start to kept myself busy, tho i don't have much things to do in office, all i can do is just to online, and play games on facebook keeping my mind out from thinking... but as time passes, it was lunch time already, some how, some what, i was hoping that she would just pop out and give me a suprise. But on the other hand, I somewhat knew it wouldn't happen. I felt bad for dissing Pang, he asked me to go for lunch with him, but seriously I don't feel hungry at all, and the other thing is that I'm scared that I'll just breakdown in front of him. I waited, till I received a phone call from one of the suppliers, saying that the stuffs are done and ready to be collected.
Thought i would be happy if I could leave office and just go out to have some fresh air, but it turns out different for me. Driving alone means there's no one would really noticed me, and there's no one there for me to hide from. I try so hard not to spill my expressions out, kept talking to myself, reminding myself to stop thinking, and just let it go. Things didn't went my way. I've been suffering from General Anxiety Disorder all this while, but back then wasn't at a very serious stage. Until today, it strucks me, my hands stiffens up, and I started twitching.. my breathing became heavier, my heart grews heavy. Trying to keep myself calm and relax, I decided to buy a computer mouse, since mine is flying to heaven. After buying, I can't help it but to just give her a call and just hear her voice but she just told me she was busy, and she'll call me back.
Reached back office, with GAD still hyped up around me, I try to calm myself down with other methods, blasting music with my headphones, and playing games on facebook, it did help at first. but later on it's slowly creeps back up again. She called me up, and we somehow talk, but I just couldn't help it, but to just burst again. I told her everything that I felt today, but she says I'm forcing her. I can't help it, told her that I'll give her time, I won't be calling her anymore, nor I would text her for the time being. Put down the phone and went for bball session, hoping that I won't think so much. She calls me up, during that time, asking me to tell her what I said earlier on, cause I wasn't speaking clearly.
I told her what I felt and what I want, was just a simple thing, that we could just go back to few days back, where we're both happy with each other, laughing, sharing, eating, sleeping, cuddling... everything that we had before this. I could still remember everything, a week back..
and i wish to go back to that time...
I love her...